After our Paris misadventures, we’ve FINALLY made it to Oslo! 🎉 Spoiler alert: Scandinavian serenity is highly overrated when you have our catastrophic sense of direction. Here is the story of an epic day filled with luxury, panic, and shellfish. 🦐👇

Step 1: The Evil Credit Card and the Millionaire View 💳🏨 Barely arrived, first challenge: find AND pay for the train. 🚂 Easy? That was without counting on my credit card, which unilaterally declared a firm “Nei!” (No in Norwegian) 🚫. My friend saved the day by sponsoring my trip. 💸

Once at the hotel, a divine surprise awaited us: a direct view of the stunning Oslo Opera House! 🎭✨ Ultimate proof that you can pay cheap and still snag a billionaire’s view.

Step 2: The VIP Selfie (Very Important Poultry) 📸🕊️ Off to the roof of the Opera House to play paparazzi. And right there, THE scoop of the trip: an exclusive selfie with a local superstar… an ultra-photogenic seagull. 🦅 One photo each, no drama, no jealousy. Nordic star-system approved! ⭐

That evening, a divine feast at a restaurant. 😋 On the flip side: zero breakfast booked for the next morning since our train leaves at 6:25 AM. MONUMENTAL ERROR. 🚨 Passing by the buffet in the morning, I spotted scrambled eggs. My absolute favorite food in the world. Tears of pure frustration. 🥲🍳 Luckily, a Norwegian bakery along the way managed to heal my broken heart. 🥐☕

Step 3: The Royal Palace and the Bus Ride from Hell (Part 2) 👑🚌 Walking up the main street toward the Royal Palace, we were SO obsessed with our target that we almost plowed right past the Parliament without noticing it. 🏛️👀 Snapped a quick photo anyway!

Then, because a day without a blunder isn’t really OUR kind of day: back to survival mode on the bus. 🚌💨 We took off in the complete opposite direction. Obviously. 🧭❌ But let’s stay positive: it allowed us to explore the non-touristy suburbs, and—a Sunday miracle—the ride back turned out to be free. Strategic savings! 😎💰

Step 4: Indiana Jones and the Serpent of Fear 🐍😱 Stopover at the Reptile Park. 🦎 My friend turned full Indiana Jones, holding a real snake handed over by the handler. 🦸‍♀️ Me? Unlimited courage: I placed a single fingertip on the creature, after double-checking 14 times that its head was pointing 180° away from me. Safety first! ☝️😂

Step 5: The Divine Sandwich and Sunday Warriors 🥪⚔️ Back at the square, feeling peckish. We spotted a stand selling shrimp sandwiches. 🦐😋 First bite: PURE ECSTASY. So good that we wanted a second one… but victims of their own success, they were sold out! A Scandinavian tragedy. 💔

Never mind that, we moved on to The Viking Planet. 🛡️ Absolute hilarity dressing up as fierce Viking warriors. 🧔‍♂️⚔️ I then spent so long taking photos at the booth that my friend almost left me behind with my plastic axe. ⏳😬

Step 6: The Fram Museum (Almost) 🚢⚓ Final mission: take the boat to the Fram Museum. 🚤💨 We sprinted, boarded in the nick of time, only to discover on-site that… the museum closes at 6:00 PM, and the last boat leaves back at 6:10 PM. 🕕🤦‍♀️ Total score: 10 minutes on-site, one quick photo of the boat from the outside for my friend, and an immediate U-turn! 🎟️🗑️

Back at the hotel, I rallied to hunt down the famous “Barcode” architecture for a photo. 🎉 Captured after a hilarious struggle to locate it, naturally. 📱

In short: Oslo is magnificent, but with us, it’s mostly an endurance sport! 🇳🇴💪🔥